Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Daddy Dates: Four Daughters, One Clueless Dad, and His Quest to Win Their Hearts by Greg Wright



Greg Wright has been asked by lots of other dads, how did you get such a good relationship with your daughters? Wright explains his journey to better relating to his four daughters in Daddy Dates. As a father of four girls, Wright came to the realization that he was struggling as a dad. In reflecting, and trying to be logical and planful, to overcome this problem, Wright developed a mission statement, “Don’t Screw Up.” He realized as he considered his relationships that as a teenager he was an expert dater and that in dating a man, or boy, seeks to know more about the female he is pursuing. So Wright, relying on past successes decided to date his daughters. He outlines his rules for daddy dates, the rationale behind some of his choices around daddy dates and how daddy dates have changed as his daughters have grown older. One of the keys to daddy dates is Wright teaching his daughters how they should be treated by the young men that eventually will pursue them romantically. Wright calls his daughters on the phone to make dates, which they can refuse, picks them up at home and shows them the courtesies that any father would want a young man to give their daughter. He is even know to dress up for their time together. In the end, Wright does not claim to have all the answers, in fact he notes he is still learning. Wright makes it clear that daddy dates are about interacting with his daughters so he can learn more about them while also sharing life lessons. A daddy date where no conversation has occurred is a failure.

This book is short and easy to read. As a father of a young girl the topic instantly had me hooked. What dad doesn’t want to get advice from another dad, especially one that has established solid relationships with his girls. Additionally, the book has led to discussion within my house. My wife and I have discussed daddy dates in detail as I read the book. These conversations went beyond the daddy date concept but grew to include how we would like our daughter to learn self respect and what she should expect from boys. Not everything Wright proposes may be for every family. In Wright’s house romantic dating is not allowed, it is daddy’s turn to date his girls others can date his daughters later. For my family that is an issue that we have not made a decision on. But again, it’s very beneficial to see another couple’s rationale for that decision and how they have implemented it in their own home. Regardless your opinion of daddy dating, this book definitely sparks discussion amongst parents.

Review Copy Provided by Thomas Nelson

Friday, April 1, 2011

Best Parenting Advice Ever?

Recently I asked “what is the best advice you have ever received about parenting?”

I got some great answers,

  • Listen to your kids, but don’t listen to their words. Instead, learn what they need by how they act and respond to you.
  • You better have a good reason to say NO. Because if you don’t, then you can say YES.
  • Say what you mean, mean what you say.

I love seeing that parents I know are attentive, realistic and let their kids make choices so they can learn from them. Anyone of these pieces of advice could easily be one of the best pieces of parenting advice I’ve ever received. In fact, I may steal them…I mean recycle.

For my family the best parenting advice I ever received was, “Enjoy your kids where they are at.” When I first got this advice during my wife’s pregnancy it really did not make a lot of sense to me. Then my little baby girl began to grow, become more independent, became at times purposely defiant, basically she changed. I don’t sing to her the same songs now that I did when she was two. And, I’m never going to get that back, no matter how I try. At this point I have pictures, videos and at time hazy memories but that little girl is never coming back. She will never need me to carry her around, she will never coo at the simplest things again, she will never again be completely dependent on her mother and me. Luckily, since I was given this piece of advice, I made sure to enjoy my little girl as a newborn, age 2, age 5, today and hopefully tomorrow.

When our second child came, we were really aware of enjoy them where they are at. But will still have to remind ourselves to follow this advice. With a second child and knowing what is to come, often we project him to where he will be and not where he is at. Sometimes I ask, how much easier will life without (cups, diapers, strollers and etc) be? In the end, I have to remember to not run past one time of his life into the next. I need to enjoy him where he is at. Today is not going to get a repeat in the future.

In 1965, the band The Byrds reminded us of the fact that things change in their song “Turn, Turn, Turn” and that there is a season for all things. Or actually, this advice can be found in the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible. “The teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem,” in this wisdom book doesn’t mince words and brings forth some hard realities. The fact that things change is somewhat the teacher makes very clear.

“There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace (NIV, Ecc 3:1-8)”.

Please allow me to rephrase the teacher for today’s parents.

There is a time for diapers and a time for undies.

There is a time for bottles and a time for silverware.

There is a time for dependence and a time for independence.

There is a time for VeggieTales and a time for Star Wars (disclaimer, it is possible to make these occur in the same season.)

There is a time for every stage of your child’s development from birth until they move out.

So, make sure to enjoy them where they are at. Tasks and errands will probably wait, your kids will not.