aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

So close to great things that I can see your glory in.

So close to receiving rewards from you.

But so so so so frustrated.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sometimes

Sometimes Father I'm just overwhelmed.

Please give me strength to enjoy the gifts you have given me.

I Grumble

I have it easy.

I have a roof.
I have food.
I have a family.
I have friends, though they are very far away.

I complain. I complain because in the land that Wander I am unconnected.

I complain.

I grumble.

I am ungrateful.

When Moses led Israel out of Egypt, they grumbled:
"But the people were thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses. They said, "Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst (Exodus 17:3, NIV) ?" They were ungrateful for the freedom God gave them. They were ungrateful for an ability to live a life of provision straight from their hands. They grumbled against a God who led them visibly day and night.

I complain. I need to stop, I have it too easy to grumble like I do.

I'm loved by God. I have been led to this land by God. Father I pray you make it clear to me and my family why I am here. Please Father, help me stop grumbling. I need to live the life of freedom you have opened to me, but I am so weak and so much a coward.

Please father be with me....despite my grumbles.

A Call

I have to be honest, Abram's call always scared me, to my very soul. What if God ever asked me to do something, do something similar. Its just not something I felt I had the courage to do. I have to admit, I'm a coward. Every part of me wants to play it safe, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

In Genesis 12 we find God's call to Abram:
"The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.

2 "I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.

3 I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you. (Gen 12 1-3, NIV)"

God asked Abram to give up his home, his larger friends and family and his possessions for a promise. A promise of a great nation. A promise that Abram's name would be glorified. A promise that Abram would be a blessing to others. I think we can't question God is this. Clearly he lived up on his bargain. How greatly have me benefited from the fact that Abram simply heard and obeyed.

I have had a similar call on my life. I have moved my family away from our friends, our church family and our emotional safety. Unlike Abram I have it cushy, I have a job, a roof over my head, food to eat, I don't physically have to wander daily. Yet I feel now like I am wandering like Abram, emotionally and spiritually. I have fears and doubts. My insides cry over what I have lost and what I think I have lost. Still I believe as God kept his promises to Abram, he will bless me too for the fact that we left and have come to a new place, this Canaan of mine.

I hope I will be able to say proudly when this is all done: "Then you shall declare before the LORD your God: "My father was a wandering Aramean, and he went down into Egypt with a few people and lived there and became a great nation, powerful and numerous (Duet 26:5, NIV)."